Having your “sh*t together” as an adult is a social construct. It’s a myth.
It’s an extension of perfectionism and capitalism.
The vibe of what I'm getting at here is the often-assigned script we get handed as adults...
Go to college.
Get a job.
Find a partner.
Buy a house (cackles in millennial anxiety).
Save for retirement.
Maybe have kids.
Be on top of all adulting tasks all the time.
Don't be weird or cringey or too out there that your parents can't brag about you to their friends.
You might have your own script that you were handed by your family, by school, by peers, by your own expectations of what your own adulthood journey was "supposed" to look like.
The bottom line and common thread I'm honing in on is the societal pressure to stay on script, whatever that means to you, if this resonates. It feels like adulthood (and life) is a checklist of items to tick off. And there's a "right" order to go in, a "right" way to do it.
So going off script, or needing more time to do things, or questioning the script at all can feel ... unsafe. Uncomfortable. Unfamiliar. And maybe even like you're doing something "wrong." (Spoiler - you're not. You're living your life.)
The more I let go of the idea that I had to have my sh*t together as an adult, the more I was able to love myself, validate myself, & honor my true needs + feelings.
The rules and standards we have for being a “good” or “proper” adult are arbitrary, hyper-independent, & perfectionistic.
They don’t actually need to mean anything in terms of you, your worth, your creativity, your value, your unique humanity.
I think we can let go of the entire notion of having your sh*t together as an adult…
But if you want any kind of “replacement” criteria…
I would vote for something along the lines of “How am I nurturing the relationship I have with myself?”